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  • Writer's pictureTerry Groves

Changing the Roll

Following along behind my little dog Bear leaves me with a unique perspective on the little guy’s toilet habits. It is likely a perspective that most people would have a hard time appreciating.

Being just a few feet behind him, I have had the opportunity to contemplate one aspect of my life that has never caused him an iota of stress. With all too much frequency, when it is time for me to think about departing the washroom, I make the horrendous discovery that there is only one square of toilet paper left on the roll.

This shouldn’t be an earth shattering event since each of the three bathrooms in our home have plenty of convenient storage space for spare rolls. However, those roll reserves are not self-refilling, someone needs to replace them as they are used.

It isn’t my intention to point fingers or lay blame but one fact that predominates as I review this circumstance is that I only have the odd occasion to use what is dispensed from the roll, most of the time a little shake is all that is required. However, the other major user of this device has need of its product ON EVERY VISIT. This doesn’t leave much wonderment regarding who uses the most and who is likely emptying both the roll and the ever so important reserves.

Anyway, none of this bothers Bear because he seems to possess a self cleaning aspect to that part of his anatomy that he is forever waving in my view. Without being rude, I have tried to figure out how it works but it seems to be one of those doggie secrets. I wonder if there is a scientist somewhere studying the unique qualities of the the canine sphincter (that’s the muscle that keep your backside watertight) with an eye toward improving man’s ability in this area.

Now, if we were to develop this quality around our toileting habits, we would stand to put some paper producers out of business but we would also significantly reduce the demand for cutting down trees. As well, one of the major social disparities of soviet bloc countries would be eliminated.

But, keeping in mind some of Bear's other habits that are closely related to this topic, we would probably have to develop social rules regarding when it is and isn’t appropriate to drag our butts across our lawns and carpets.

I suppose my having to deal with the occasional lack of dignity as I do the funny shuffle to the main paper supply closet just doesn’t compare with the upheaval that might otherwise result.

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